Grace In Your Heart and Flowers In Your Hair

This is for a special friend of mine who just made a big decision and is going through a really scary (= brave) change.  I was waiting on the subway platform last night thinking about you and how scary this is ( = brave you are) and how much I look up to you.  If I could sit and drink a beer with you tonight, this is what I would say.

I'm not going to pretend to know enough about the world to tell you what's "ok" and what's not, but I will tell you what is ok with me. If you decide this is what's best for you but that it's really hard, I will talk about the hard stuff as much as you want and that would be ok. If you decide you want to go back and try something else, I think that would be totally ok.  It’s ok with me that you’re scared.  Scared isn’t weak, scared is so strong.  If you didn’t do anything that made you scared, that might be weakness.  You’re putting yourself in a scary situation where you have to be brave to move forward and that’s big strength.  If this ends up being the best decision of your life and you fall in love and then become the first female president, I’d be ok with that too.  But not any more ok than any of the other options.

I know you’re struggling.  For now, do what makes you feel a little better.  I've found that in hard times, inspiration comes in tiny powerful bursts.  Things that inspire you feel really inspiring because you're feeling a lot, but they also burn out quickly. Don't be discouraged. It doesn't mean you can't be inspired, it just means you have to seek out more of those little firecrackers. It's a good thing because it'll give you a mission in the meantime and I for one always feel better when I have a mission. Seek them out. Those tiny things that inspire you. Don't worry about making it a great day or having the time of your life because that's a lot, and you'll miss the little firecrackers. You'll get to that, because I know that's what you want for yourself. I think that's your default. I know you and you wouldn't settle for anything less than that so don't worry about that now. You'll take yourself there naturally whether you know it or not.  Just one little firecracker at a time for now.

You're so brave. Unless you've been Jedi mind-tricking me all along, you're one of the bravest people I know. The thing I know that I know is that you care more about the reasons behind your decisions than most half-grown-ups our age, so I'm not worried about the decisions you make.  I don't think you'rev worried about that either.  Just get up, maybe sing a song in the shower, then do the thing you're supposed to do that day. If you want to watch reruns of The West Wing and eat Cheetos after work, then do that. That's it. Don't worry about making it a great day, making them proud or having enviable status updates on Facebook. Just do what makes you feel good. You can lean on people, they won't mind. The thing about time is that it takes a lot of time.

So many people love you including me and you're going to be great. But for now, just shoot for being good.  And when you’re not, ask someone to help you get there. It’s ok.

Another friend sent me this song when I was struggling and I think it’s beautiful.  Maybe you will too.

All all all my love.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

And I won't die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Or God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.